Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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