Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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