i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i jhust puked up my retainher.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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