Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
