just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
