Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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