I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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