I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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