I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize