I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
