my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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