i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
