I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
