my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
