You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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