Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
