love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
