Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
