I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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