how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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