I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
