I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
