She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize