i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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