Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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