Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
