Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
