i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Randomize
