The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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