I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
