I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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