before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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