Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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