cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize