3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
