white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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