Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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