we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
