we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
