Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you told grandpa to call you daddy
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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