He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
