I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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