I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Boobs are out for the taking
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
