there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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