yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
