Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
