I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
