but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
