I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
