first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
