making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
