so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
