I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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