I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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