I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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