So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i was born a porn star she said
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
