so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
