Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
