dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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