already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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