Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
