I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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