I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
