apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
