My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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