Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
