I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
