He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
