I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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