we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
