we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
