I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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