Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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