i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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