I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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