So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
