Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
