I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
