I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How does it feel to date your dad?
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