It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
