Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize