There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize