All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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