I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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