Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
