Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
