I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
