I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
