So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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