No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
