He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
