I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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