he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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