No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
