I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize