Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
