i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
