i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
