Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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