i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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