if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
