you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
