"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
